Are you ready for this week’s absurdity? Here’s our Friday roll-up of the most ridiculous stories from around the world that are threats to your liberty, risks to your prosperity… and on occasion, inspiring poetic justice.
Actor John Cena apologizes for calling Taiwan a country
While promoting the film Fast and Furious 9 to a Taiwanese reporter, pro-wrestler turned actor John Cena said “Taiwan is the first country that can watch the ‘F9’ film.”
Chinese fans (and probably Chinese government online trolling bots) immediately attacked the actor for referring to Taiwan as a country— China insists that Taiwan is part of the People’s Republic of China.
Cena quickly issued a pathetic, groveling video apology, speaking in Mandarin.
He said, “In one interview, I made a mistake. I need to say now that this is very, very, very, very, very important. I love and respect China and the Chinese people. I’m very, very sorry. As for my mistake, I really apologize for it.”
Yes, he really added that many very’s.
Google announces new woke technology
Google announced new features for its Android products which includes an assisted writing tool called Smart Canvas.
Smart Canvas can track you across programs like Docs and Meet to monitor your language.
For example, if you accidentally type something sexist like “Chairman” the tool will suggest a gender neutral term instead, like “Chairperson”.
And if we’re really lucky, when we write “Taiwan”, Google’s new tech may immediately correct us and suggest “China” instead.
UK blocks 300,000 cancer screenings over Covid
Over 300,000 fewer patients across the UK were referred to urgent cancer screening checks in the past year, compared to the year before.
38,000 fewer patients started cancer treatment.
Do the Covid vaccines cure cancer? No.
Doctors in the UK’s socialized healthcare system were told during the pandemic to discourage patients from seeking in-person appointments, and implement a “total triage” to force patients to first seek a telemedicine appointment.
In addition, some already diagnosed cancer patients were rationed appointments, and suffered delayed surgery, as hospitals tried to control the number of patients in the buildings.
Unfortunately for a women named Joy Stokes, she was prevented for months from seeing her doctor. She was told over the phone that her severe leg pain was probably arthritis.
She died from cancer last month, which likely would have been treatable is she hadn’t been ignored.
It was a similar story for 27 year old Jess Brady, who was repeatedly denied appointments last last August, and told her rapidly deteriorating condition must be “long Covid.”
She died in December from a type of cancer called adenocarcinoma, about a month after finally being diagnosed at a private hospital. By then it was too late, and the cancer had spread.
These are not isolated incidents.
The Institute for Public Policy Research has said there could be an extra 4,500 avoidable cancer deaths just this year because of late diagnosis.
Once again, Covid hysteria has led people to grossly miscalculate where the real health risks lie.
White House partners with dating apps to promote vaccines
The White House Covid task force announced its partnership with dating apps like OK Cupid, Bumble, Tinder, and Hinge to promote vaccination.
Now people can add badges and filter out non-vaccinated people from the results.
The White House spokesman said the apps will “help people meet people who have that universally attractive quality: they’ve been vaccinated against Covid-19” and that “people who display their vaccination status are 14% more likely to get a match. ”
Meanwhile, during the press conference, Lord Protector Fauci was looking down from the top of the screen like Big Brother. Clearly this is the guy who young people should take dating advice from.
What’s ironic is that Fauci never seems to be sure about anything.
He waffles about what vaccination rate would cause the US to reach herd immunity. He’s flummoxed why Florida and Texas had declining rates of COVID months ago after dropping their statewide mask mandates.
The only thing Lord Protector Fauci seems to be sure about— is that young people will have 14% more sex if they’re vaccinated.
Trust the science.
IRS seeks contractor who can hack crypto wallets
The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) has issued a “A Request for Information (RFI) for the Development of Exploitation Techniques Against Cryptowallets.”
Contractors must be able to “Identify new methods to gain access to cryptographic wallets” and “Identify successful cryptographic models exploits can be accomplished.”
The point is to come up with a repeatable process to crack the digital wallets where people securely store their cryptocurrency.
Covid cops knock on 10,000 doors a day in UK
Now that the government of the UK has graciously allowed its citizens to leave the country, they require vacationers to quarantine when they arrive back in the UK.
As usual, it doesn’t matter if you have been vaccinated or tested negative for Covid— you still have to quarantine for 10 days.
And while you are quarantining, the UK will spend mountains of taxpayer funds to deploy a team of police capable of knocking on on 10,000 doors per day to check up on you.
Any naughty children who have left their bedrooms when they are supposed to be in time-out could face fines up to £10,000.
If you lie about where you are quarantining, or which countries you have visited, you could face 10 years in prison.